Hello, friends.
I don't know about you, but I am just cooked.
I'm tired, drained, my brain is mush, and I am having a hard time finding the holiday spirit for any length of time. Good things are happening, but somehow this melancholy creeps back in, and I am at a loss for how to shake it. I am out of gas, and I don't feel like getting out of my car to fill up the tank.
This year was challenging in ways I never really saw coming—changes, decisions, conversations, truths, reality….all of it. There were amazing things, good things, hopeful things that happened. But this end of the year feels different from any other I have had.
The planner in me is letting me know it's time to come up with some resolutions, some words of the year that will guide me, but my soul is asking for something else.
Permission to focus on just one thing. One thing.
A few months ago, this video came across my feed, and I was intrigued. It's a modern-day (self-described) witch who introduced me to the 13 Sacred Nights, also called Rauhnächte (the 13 Wishes), which loosely translates to "old and new days" and span the year's most "difficult" or "rough" nights. Its history is loosely connected to early Germanic and Celtic cultures and traditions, and, being that I was just in Germany this year with my family, I was a little miffed they didn't tell me about it 🤣
So here is the gist and the reasons I am excited to try this.
The Gist:
Before December 25th, take time to sit with yourself and dream about your wishes. These are not things that you want to accomplish or check off a list; they are "what ifs". They are glimmers of hope for how you want to feel and experience your own life.
- “I wish to feel proud of my choices more often.”
- “I wish to feel safe honoring my hunger cues.”
- “I wish to trust myself around food.”
- “I wish for playful movement.”
- “I wish for deeper friendships.”
- “I wish to feel peace in my body.”
- “I wish to laugh more this year.”
This symbolism is GOLD for me, and I think for many of us, because we are all driven by accomplishment, by checking things off the list. We want to prove to the world that we can do things, but doing is not living. It's doing. And that grind is wearing on me.
I am exhausted by the constant pressure to be perfect, even though I am the one putting it on myself. This ritual lets me dream without thinking about how it will happen. It's giving me a chance to reflect on what is working and what's not. And not beat myself up for things I'm not working on, but to wish for something different.
Here comes the part that stopped me in my tracks.
➡ After you have written all of your wishes down, you select 13 of them and then write them in the present tense, as though you are already living that way. (Trust and believe, I will be using ChatGPT to help me with this because…like I said… your girl be tired 🤣
And if writing things in the present tense feels too challenging or weird to you, write them in a way that works for you. The point is your wishes, not the tense.
✍🏽 You write each of your 13 wishes on small pieces of paper and fold them up so you cannot see what you wrote- one wish per piece, so you have 13 little pieces of paper- and then drop them all into a bowl, vessel, or jar.
🔥 On December 25th, you select ONE wish from your 13 without looking at or reading it, then burn it. No looking. This act forces you to give up control over what your wishes are and to trust that the universe, God, or your higher power knows your true desires and is committed to working on them for you. It's a physical representation of letting go of that all-or-nothing thinking I find myself falling all too easily into.
✨ On January 6th, the last night, you are left with one wish. And THAT is the wish you look at. You don't burn it. That is the wish that the universe has tasked you with in the coming year.
Holy shit.
Release control and let the universe pick it for you.
See how this practice asks us to give up control and that pesky all-or-nothing thinking and lean into faith and the divine? It's just what my soul needs in this moment.
The Reason:
Next year will be filled with the same struggles, setbacks, heartaches, and murky, messy moments. It will also be filled with joy, happiness, and glimmers.
And as bariatric patients, this pressure is often amplified. Years of dieting, tracking, failing, restarting, and striving for perfection teach the brain that success comes only through rigidity and discipline. That mindset, all-or-nothing thinking, is one of the biggest things we get tripped up on. In the moment, it feels good because it is known and understood. But it is not serving us in the positive ways we think it does.
Change happens in two ways: when it is forced on you and when you intentionally create it yourself. I cannot control the first, but I can control the latter.
I have been too distracted by doing all the things, feeling like I have little to no room for intention. I am just pushed or pulled from fire to fire, with energy constantly dwindling.
I don't feel that I have the time, energy, or capacity to focus on all of the things I wish for in my life. But I can try to make intentional time to focus on one wish. And I don't even have to decide about my one wish; the universe is going to do that work for me. Thanks, universe. High 5!
Every time that little voice in me starts telling me I should be doing more, I am going to defer back to my wish. My wish is the first thing that I tend to. It is the thing I am going to try to hold closest to my heart. I intend to use it as my yes-or-no tool to default to when I have to decide how to spend my time and energy.
I have no idea how this will work out. It could be a total bust. But I won't know until I try.
I don't know if I will share my wish with anyone. I want to think I would have the courage, but I won't know until my wish has been chosen for me. I share so much of my life. Maybe this is something that I need to keep just for me.
I invite you to join me. This year, instead of resolving to become a new you, what if you gently invited your future self to reveal itself to you?
The Logistics:
- Between now and December 21st, brainstorm your list of wishes. No limit, write down as many desires as you can think of. (I mean, you can do Steps 1-3 all at the same time…you do you, boo)
- By December 24th, narrow down your list to 13 wishes. If you want to see what they sound and feel like in the present tense, drop your list into AI and ask it to reword them in that way. See what feels best to you and go with that. (And try not to second-guess yourself. You're not doing this wrong; this is just your first attempt at something new.
- By December 24th, write each wish on a small piece of paper, fold it up, and drop it into a vessel. (And tell yourself, "This will be ok. I am trusting the process" because I know you will have little moments of panic because you are giving up control, and that is terrifying. I see you, friend. Same….same.)
- December 25th, pull your first wish and, without looking at it, burn it. Drop it in a fire-safe bowl, preferably outside, and light it up! (At this point, you might feel a mild panic attack, but breathe through it. And if you can, really note how you are feeling. This would be a GREAT journal prompt to explore!)
- Repeat this process every day until January 6th, when you have one final wish. When you are ready, open the paper and read your wish. Wow. How does it feel to have the universe do that work for you? What are you thinking? What are you feeling? Thank yourself for doing something that probably felt way harder than what you thought it would.
- In this moment, I am going ot resist moving into immediate planning mode. I think I will take some time and write about this wish; why I wrote it in the first place, why it's important to me. I am going to try to just sit with my wish. Send prayers 🤣
That's it. It's work, I get it. But it's a different kind of work.
13 Wishes Workbook
➡️ Click THIS link to download this 13 Wishes Workbook that will walk you through the steps!
❓You in? Want to get a little woo-woo with me on these 13 rough nights?
You can tell me you're going to try it in the comments, or you can not tell me… up to you. You can find me in BariNation on Instagram @activley_april. Give me a follow and say hello.
❤ My commitment to you: I will post reminders in the BariNation Community and on Instagram to write down your wishes. I recommend you set an alarm on your phone to remind you to burn one of your wishes at a set time each day, because life is lifeing.
I'm doing it, and I know that doing this kind of thing together is enjoyable for me.
And I'm not even going to make a worksheet for this! 🤣 #Progress
No pressure, just an invitation to try something new. If you feel comfortable sharing, please do so. If you don't, that is ok too.
Thank you for holding space for me and my crazy ideas.
And if you have been looking for a fun, fresh, and safe place to connect with others who are on a similar health journey, join us in BariNation, where these crazy ideas are hatched and nourished so we can all flourish.
-- April Williams
Bariatric Patient, Recovering All-or-Nothing Thinker, Founder of BariNation